Mnemonic Sonata
by Zilindico
Summary: After Spike's death, Faye has been left despondent. She contemplates her will to live, especially when she's badly injured while hunting a bounty. FayeSpike.


Tap, tap, tap... Tap, tap, tap... Her fingernails tapping against the gun... The end of the gun gently tapping against the side of her head...   
The sun finally peeked through the window of the hotel, the sunrise light playing across her smooth, inviting legs, up her thin body and enticing chest, then upon her downcast face. Faye Valentine's eyes were lowered, almost shut as she sat there, contemplating... All this time, alone...   
The room was deathly quiet, her tapping stopped. She was all alone, as she had gotten used to these past few months. She might as well have been alone staying on the BeBop, so what did it matter if she left? Ed had left before, staying on Earth, and Spike... Tears filled her eyes, even though her body was still unmoving. Spike was long gone, so what was the point of crying over the idiot? He never cared about her anyway, only his precious Julia... even if he was just trying to meet his past, just as she had. Yeah, she found her past, but it brought her nothing, only a larger hole in her heart, or maybe just a new one. There was nothing left of her old life, really, just as there was nothing left for her on the ship. Jet was a good guy, but... there were just too many memories being there, remembering Ed's annoying yet humorous antics, and Spike's... whatever. Funny how she who once desired memories more than anything, was now reduced to running from the ones she had.   
Faye wiped away her tears with her free hand; didn't matter anyway if she was there or not, she still felt everything. The clock in the room beeped, alerting her of the hour, and that it was time to move; she had a hit today, after all. After everything she had been through, there was no point getting a job at a fast-food restaurant or with a normal profession. No, she stuck with being a bounty hunter, even with Jet not with her, even though she was all by her lonesome; didn't matter anyway.   
Her body cracked painfully as she finally rose from the chair, having stayed that way all night. The gun was still in her hand... Maybe some other time. She set the lethal weapon down upon the little desk in the room and wandered over to the bathroom. Her hands drifted inside the shower and turned on the water. With the sounds of the shower-head filling the room, Faye removed her clothing in a quick, thoughtless fashion. Instead of going into the warm water right away, she paused long enough to regard her body in the mirror... Why didn't Spike stay? Was there something wrong with her? Was she too flirtatious, too sexy, too cold... or was she just being stupid? Why was she thinking this way? Spike never cared about her, never did anything to really suggest he felt anything for her. All he cared about was his damn Julia! She was being stupid to think he ever felt a shred of emotion, or that she ever felt anything for him... But she could not deny everything.   
She stepped into the warm shower and immersed herself within what should have felt divine. Instead, she felt nothing, for inside herself she felt too cold to be touched. All this time and she could not forget... 

Faye stepped out onto the street of this current planet she was on; a simple enough place, very much like all the other civilized planets she had been to. The soft wind played with her violet hair as she stood still in the front of the hotel, gazing out at the downtown street. The men in the area of course stared lower than that as they passed her by or glimpsed her from afar, but she did not care any more. Before, she probably would have been more seductive in her appearance and actions, usually for her own pride and maybe financial benefit, but now, it just didn't seem to matter anymore, not anymore...   
Her emerald eyes moved about the area, and she knew she could not help but see him everywhere. Mistaking someone else for him had grown so common to her that she stopped even being surprised, even when she thought a bush was his hair. She was also quite tired of it, tired of his hold on her. Why did it have to be this way? Why did these stupid emotions for him have to rule her life now, when he was gone?   
She closed her eyes, trying to hold back all these things making her less than a perfect bounty hunter, and flicked out her dark sunglasses. Putting them on, she was a cold, ruthless hunter once again, free of everything. 

Faye stared out from her position at a city bench. Her bounty head, a Mr. Norris Rugemer, was going to be making a discreet drug deal pretty soon, which was when she was going to make her move. The air was a bit chilly at the moment, raising the tiniest of goosebumps along her exposed skin. The sounds of people were everywhere, just not in the little area all of this was taking place. There was open space between her and the deal, few people walking in-between, which would certainly be helpful to avoid civilian casualties. Her automatic was hidden conveniently on her person, ready to be whipped out when it was time to move into action.   
The suits appeared. One limo appeared, parking next to the two suited people waiting at a second bench, their ride a bit farther away. Norris and two armed henchmen stepped out of the car. Both Norris and one of the original men were carrying a suitcase, obviously their parts of the deal. All of them looked as if they thought nothing could touch them; Faye smiled at that.   
She stood slowly and began walking nonchalantly toward them, her heels tapping softly upon the solid cement beneath her feet.. None of her targets seemed to suspect anything, anything at all, believing this deal to be as good as done. Once within range, Faye easily slipped out her weapon and fired into the two henchmen with Norris. Crimson flew about as the first one dropped instantly with a thud, the second one spinning in his fall. Norris pulled out his pistol in that time and shot at her, determination filling his expression. Faye easily ducked beneath the shots, the bullets decimating a tree behind her. Before she could fire back at him, he already started running, his suitcase still in hand. The other two suits retreated to their own vehicle as quickly as they could, deciding it was best to avoid this woman.   
Faye hurried after her bounty head, civilians already scattering wildly from the shooting. Even with the mass chaos, she was still able to keep an eye on Norris, who seemed to be running towards an old, abandoned factory. She smirked; looked like he planned to lose or kill her in there. She was not about to lose that easily.   
The fast-moving man reached the factory quickly enough, protected from fire by the frantic mob. He disappeared inside the front entrance, Faye following close behind. The inside seemed ready to fall apart, dark and gloomy. He rushed down a side hallway, and she followed, opening fire at her dead-or-alive bounty head. The bullets bounced off the weak walls and failed to strike their intended target. Faye ran harder, a sweat barely appearing on her. The farther she chased him inside the factory, the more the areas were illuminated by red lights, the harsh color reflecting off of her dark glasses.   
His steps disappeared around a quick corner, the hallway lined with small pipes. She followed after him, only to find him aiming back at her. They both opened fire, but her shots missed once his ripped through her side. The bullets and blood trailed through the air behind her until she finally fell painfully to the ground, all shots ending, her glasses dropped to the side next to her gun. The entire experience seemed surreal to her, as if it were only an act. It almost seemed as if she felt nothing, since she had never anticipated this.   
Faye laid still upon the cold floor, her face staring up at the red ceiling between strands of her hair that had fallen across her eyes. She could not hear anything now except her own body, but that didn't really mean anything. Her hand was soaked with blood as it held her side, but there was also blood escaping her lips just a bit. She did not move, merely laid there and breathed. What was there to think about? Wasn't this what she wanted, one way or another? She was tired of her painful life, or whatever was left of it. All this time, she was tired of living, whether it was because of the hollowness or Spike's death. Nothing really mattered anymore; nothing...   
A glint of light caught her eye; it was something white, maybe. Her gaze drifted down a bit, away from merely the ceiling above her, until it rested upon someone standing there, looking down at her, a smile on his face, that same smile he typically wore... Was that really him standing there, glowing softly as he looked at her? Of course it was, she thought. She believed that it was really Spike standing there, a smile on his face, his strange eyes still the same, everything the same about him as always, except for that glow. He said, "I can never leave you alone, can I?"   
She smiled, despite everything, and spoke to him the same as always. "Nice of you to finally show up and give me a hand."   
Casually, he knelt beside her. "You're giving up, aren't you?"   
Her smile faded; her mind finally caught up as she realized this couldn't be happening, that none of this could. "Spike, I..."   
"It's not typical for you to be at a loss for words. Why don't you get up and take this guy out?"   
She coughed once, twice, then told him, "I don't wanna live anymore. It's too painful."   
"Well that's surprising, coming from someone like you. When did you become soft?"   
Her words lined with tears now, she told him, "Spike, you died. How could I _not_ become like this?"   
He shook his head softly. "You're saying the truth and not even noticing it. Faye, _I_ was the one that died, _not you._" She flinched at his words, seeing where he was going. "Don't you understand? You still have a life to live, not a lost one to pine for me." Her tears came stronger now, as she realized the real truth. "Now get up."   
Pain ripped through her body, but she wasn't about to die down here so far away. Blood splattered the area beneath her, but she bore through the pain and finally came to her feet. Her breath was heavy as she picked up her fallen weapon and started walking back the way she came. It seemed as if Spike was really there walking with her, offering her words of encouragement, but it didn't really matter at the moment. The true importance now was not this dream of Spike, nor what she put herself through, but actually deciding to live and acting upon it. She was not going to die, she was not going to die, she was not going to die...   
The sunlight was almost painful to her as she returned to the world outside the factory building. By now, the people had settled down, but most of them were staring at the desperate man entering the back half of a limo before it started to speed off. Faye raised her gun almost effortlessly, for at least her eyes were devoid of emotion. The car carrying Norris shook as her bullets began to strike it, then flipped over and exploded as the attack ripped it to shreds. It was over. She was alone there; Spike was gone, if he was ever really there, but that didn't matter anymore. She wasn't going to die. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, but I do own this story. 


End file.
